lokiofsassgaard | Fic Notes: Odinsons (Reply)

First off, I'm not even sorry.

This started out as a PWP, about a year ago at this point. Like, I'm pretty sure next week is actually exactly one year. I never intended to continue it, and even got the impression from a couple of people that they wanted to, and gave them my endorsement. (If you're one of those people, I'd still love to see where you went with it!) But then I wanted to do a bit more depraved kinky shit, and frankly what I'd established with the first fic had a good foundation for it, so I just kind of tacked more onto it and called it a series. It wasn't until probably the third or fourth part that I realised there was something resembling a plot happening, and that I had no idea how to resolve that plot. None at all. There were two directions I could have gone with it: the direction everyone in the comments wanted me to go, and the direction I ultimately decided to take it.

Again, if you hate this ending and want to write your own version, go for it. I would love to read it!

And if you're wondering why I did not go the direction everyone in the comments wanted me to go, it's because first and foremost this is some depraved kinky nonsense. It was never meant to have a plot, much less a, uh ahem satisfying ending. It's porn. It's just straight up dirtybadwrong porn.

To answer questions that I know will be posed, and which already have been posed, let's go down the line:

Why doesn't Loki tell Frigga?

Because Odin and Thor both terrify him. His choice at the beginning of the final part is to play a role and escape with what's left of his dignity, or to be cast out of Asgard on the spot and left to Thor's (lack of) mercy. Loki can either suffer the consequences of his perceived actions and win something close to freedom after he gives birth, or they can both be banished where he knows he will be chained to Thor for the rest of his life. If he told Frigga, he knows Odin would banish them both.

Why doesn't Loki resume his male form?

For the child. Plain and simple. He can still leave, and Thor even half expected him to. Odin told him to hand over the child and disappear, banished from Asgard. And he couldn't do that. He can't be seen in Asgard in his true form, and with Thor now king he has no idea what punishment awaits him if he is seen. He could resume his male form, take the child, and flee, but then he'd need a wet nurse. And that both opens him up to liability and unneeded risk. He could keep his female form, take the child, and flee, but as he says, where would he go? Thor has not only worn him down, but Thor overpowered him so easily, and Loki has to believe that some part of Thor didn't want to hurt him. If Thor was still this brutal, what could a stranger do to him? In this case, it's the evil he knows vs the evil he can't even imagine.

So for the time being, it seems as though he has decided to sacrifice himself for the child.

Why doesn't Loki end the pregnancy?

At first, it's because he doesn't know how. He's never needed this magic, because like so many young men, he thinks he's immune to disaster. He knows how to keep himself from getting pregnant, so why would he need to know how to end a pregnancy? He's also got this threat of not only exposure, but further torment if he does. And then Thor gets his way anyway, and now the goalposts change. The torment becomes reality, but the exposure becomes so much worse. And for the first few months, Thor keeps him too terrified of his own shadow to even risk trying anything. He spends months systematically breaking Loki's will, making damn certain Loki knows that nothing is off limits, and that while Loki may still have some sense of shame, Thor hasn't got a single ounce of it. And worse, nobody wants to stop him even when he does cross a very public line.

What's stopping Loki from telling Frigga now that Odin is dead?

Shame? Sorrow? A complete and total lack of willpower to fight back any longer? Take your pick. Or maybe he does tell her. I don't know.

This final part did something the other five didn't: it deviated a bit. The others all showed the exact same timeline, from altering perspectives, but I wanted to slightly break that chain a bit this time around. Loki had to know things Thor didn't, and I had to show that he knew these things. I also wanted Thor to be so far up his own ass that he was completely oblivious to certain things, and it goes above and beyond simply thinking Loki wants him and is being coy. Loki doesn't know whether or not Thor is aware of Odin's instructions, and at least at first sees it as a means of escape. If he can survive Thor, he can leave Asgard and never have to deal with any of it ever again. And then that selfish fucker goes and keels over, and at that point it's too late to come up with a new plan. Loki's plan was to murder Thor the night he fled, but two things happened: Thor took the throne, and the child was a girl. Now, whether or not Thor is that horrific, who knows? There's definitely something wrong with him, and everyone knows it. All Loki knows is he cannot leave the child behind, and he cannot take her with him. Killing Thor and fleeing into the night is one thing. Killing a king and fleeing into the night with a newborn is an entirely different matter, and not one Loki has the strength to see through. At least, not now.

So for the time being, Loki has chosen to lie back and think of Asgard, effectively. He knows what Thor's capable of, and he knows that somehow things can always manage to get worse. Thor gets bored easily, and will always find a way to outdo himself. Although at least for the time being, he's got a bit of a reprieve.

I have a couple of ideas for what happens down the line, but I don't anticipate writing any more of this series. If you want to, go for it. I love seeing what other people do with the toys I leave behind.

But despite everything, this series was 80,000 words of pure kink. That's all it was ever meant to be. It was never meant to be anything more than hardcore Loki whump, with Thor domming the fuck out of him. If you expected some heroic underdog story to emerge, I don't know what to tell you.